Recording My Thoughts
by V'Kotik
Summary: When T'Pol declines to speak about her thoughts in the aftermath of the episode "Bounds", Hoshi suggests she just uses her personal log for the purpose


Personal Log, Commander T'Pol, August the 17th, 2155

I still maintain that keeping a recorded log of my personal thoughts is illogical, however, ensign Sato insists that this method will help with my reluctance to process the emotions and sensations that my human crew mates are so fond of confronting me with every day. I must admit that at least in theory her suggestion has merit as this practice does allow me to express my thoughts without the need to disclose them to anyone or anything but this recording device. I shall therefore use this experiment to verbalize the events of this day.

-=/\=-

"Guess we have a lot 'o work to do."

These were the exact words he spoke to me in his customary defective grammar after he had deceived me into exchanging a kiss in a public place. Yet even more than the omission of the subject in what should have been an easily assembled statement of his native language, my thoughts were occupied with the meaning of these words. In fact I had become so preoccupied by my attempts to discern the meaning of his utterance that I had neglected to retract my eyebrow to its customary position until I arrived in my quarters.

I had to dismiss the theory that it would refer to his work in Engineering as he is still technically no longer part of this crew and if our kiss impacted him has much as it impacted me, I would severely doubt that repairing the ship's damaged systems was the foremost thought in his mind. Exchanging such intimacy in the corridor is highly unseemly but for reasons that elude my understanding I do not experience guilt and I chose to justify my decision with the fact that, were I human, it would not be considered unseemly, if perhaps somewhat indiscrete.

It has taken an unfortunately long time and the disagreeable separation through his departure to Columbia until I finally gained the understanding that my attempts at denying my obvious affection for the ship's chief engineer are without logic. I have no doubt, were he here, Charles would now impertinently interrupt me and offer his unsolicited notice that I even have the mating bond to show for it.

Our bond is still in its infancy, yet I was able to discern that his customary 'teasing', his attempts to goad me into admitting that it was my desire to be with him that prompted me to suggest his return to our ship, were a plea for reassurance. I regret not having said so immediately. My ill-advised attempt to engage in 'teasing banter' as we have done so often in the past has resulted in another unnecessary offence.

As a result of these unsettling emotions I found myself unable to meditate and I had to devise a plan to improve my interaction with Charles and, should my previous mistakes not have rendered it impossible yet, perhaps initiate a romantic relationship with the man I desire.

As always, when logic fails to provide the answers I needed, which is a frequent predicament when dealing with human behavior, I sought counsel from Ensign Sato, who has helped me countless times over the course of the last four years.

As I approached her quarters, I nearly collided with a somewhat disheveled looking Lieutenant Reed, who had obviously just left the ensign's quarters. I was prepared to dismiss this as an after-effect of the pheromones spread by the only recently departed Orion females, however, to use Charles' colorful vernacular – anyone with working eyes can see that the ship's tactical officer and the young linguist had been romantically involved for some time.

It must be admitted, the Lieutenant managed to present an image of calm as we exchanged greetings. However, his carefully crafted image of equanimity disappeared when I pointed out the very unmistakable evidence of Ensign Sato's affection that adorned the side of his neck.

He made several unsuccessful attempts at denial, accompanied by a rather alarmingly intense discoloring of his facial features, but he managed to calm down once I had assured him that his private life is nobody's business as long as he doesn't advertise Ensign Sato's intimate skills on his skin.

With a final expression of gratitude he decided to withdraw and he appeared somewhat nonplussed that I did not choose to sanction his behavior.

Once Ensign Sato had admitted me into her quarters I found my hypothesis about the relationship between the two officers confirmed when the ensign failed to hide the electric shaver on her chest of drawers. I am of course aware that even human females shave as evolution has left some remnants of hair in some surprising areas of their bodies. However it appeared somewhat improbable that a human female would need such substantial machinery to remove the small amounts of follicular oversight that evolution has left her with.

As I did with her desired mate, I assured her that her private life was not subject to public scrutiny as long as it did not interfere with her duties and if she did break her habit of leaving visual marks of territoriality on those areas of Lieutenant Reed's body that he might find hard to conceal.

Interestingly the ensign's face adopted quite the same shade of crimson that I had witnessed on Lieutenant Reed. It did however give me an ideal starting point to initiate a private conversion when I noted that I was in a similar situation.

The young linguist immediately suggested Commander Tucker as my desired mate and upon my inquiry she explained that apparently the entire crew knows of his affection for me and scolded me in no uncertain terms for having caused his departure to Columbia by 'not giving him the time of day'.

I am unfamiliar with this metaphor; however I believe this to be a reference to my reluctance to reciprocate the Commander's advances. I admitted my misdeeds and declared that I was indeed planning to give him the time of day, which caused a somewhat enthusiastic reaction on behalf of Ensign Sato.

Citing that his affection for me was already established, she suggested I propose to conduct 'a date', which she defined as a mutually agreed time and place of meeting to spend recreational time with each other for the purpose of furthering a romantic relationship.

It never ceases to surprise me how humans can formulate such a complex concept by a four letter word. The ensign advised me that it is customarily the men's role to initiate the meeting and I was therefore limited to provide hints that should not be too subtle as, according to her explanation, the brain of human male is somewhat inflexible when confronted with the task of understanding females.

At that point, seeing the complexity of human rituals, I was wondering how this species has managed to survive.

When I consumed my evening meal with Commander Tucker I inquired about the program of the next 'movie night', citing that my participation would depend on the company when he asked if I planned to partake in the event.

Apparently Ensign Sato's theory about the simplicity of the male though process was not entirely accurate as he easily deducted the purpose of my inquiry and as a result I have now 'a date' with the ship's chief engineer – tomorrow nineteen-hundred.

If my research into the customs of the ritual is correct, I might be required to kiss him in the corridor again, but strangely I am not concerned. In fact I find myself looking forward to it with some impatience.

Computer, stop recording.


End file.
